Finally, a bit of relief.

You know what, thank god.  Finally, a bit of clarity in my life. A bit of smooth sailing.

What really bugs me, ugh, this gets on my nerves, when people have no idea what’s going on with you. They think they ‘know’ you and then when they actually see you’re not a robot, and show some emotion, all hell breaks loose.

Ok, I’m not some sad case charity story, but yeah, I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs this year. Over the past two years.  Things have went wrong, I went into a dark place. A place I find very hard to share with people. A place I rarely let anyone ever find out about. I was down, very down. Didn’t really think much of myself, or my life, But I guess you could have gathered that from my other pieces.

But now, I’m doing pretty damn good. I’m actually happy, for a long time I was just floating along, but no, I’m happy. Ok, not every waking minute of the day, or else I would possibly be the most irritating girl on the planet, but yeah, I’m doing good.

Things went pretty bad for a while I’m not going to lie, but don’t let that change your opinion of me.  I like to think I’ve come back from this fighting. I’ve pulled myself from the depths of my mind and saw things in a different way.

Most people who ‘know’ me, see me as this girl who goes out and has fun and never really cares about anyone else. I might portray an image of a party girl, or just a clueless girl, but they have no idea. It’s true what they say, you just can’t judge a book by it’s cover. Does anyone really know whats going on under the surface of the people around them? What happens behind closed doors. Sorry to break it to you folks, but the girl who lives in the barbie house doesn’t have the perfect life.

We all have our griefs, we all have our issues and baggage. Who doesn’t? Just don’t judge someone on what they convey to society. You never truly know until you dig beneath the surface.

So back to my point, this week, I did pretty good. I gained an old friend back. A friend I had lost because at the time I couldn’t imagine be friends with, it was too difficult. And seeing him, laughing again, having fun. Made me happy, how we’ve both come away from this so good, so strong.  I also reconcilled a lot of things at home. Most of you won’t know, some of you will, but I’ve made a lot of changes, I’ve opened and hopefully things will get better. That will be a matter of time. And lastly, I’m just going to throw in here. I feel finally free, I don’t have to prove myself anymore.

I guess, in simple terms I’ve taken a step forward in my life. I can’t keep looking back at the what if’s or the why not’s. I’m 17 years old. I have all my life to do whatever I want to do. For now, I’m going to let go and have fun. Because my teenage years are slowly becoming limited, so why not make the most of every second I get now.

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Fashion, more than just what you see.

 It’s Friday. A non-uniform day in school. The dull school halls are now lit up with vibrant colours and electronic vibes. People all around exhange glances at one another, secretly anaylsing, judging. First years anxiously scurry through the halls, making best efforts not to draw attention to themselves. Typical, too socially and self consious to make an impression. Second years bombard the corridors, their hairstyles copied in the same way, each Adidas tracksuit modelled to imitate one another. Replicas, clones. The need to fit in with their peers proves itself. As I drag myself up the never ending staircase, third years pass me by, the smell of over used perfume wafts through my nose, white large letters ABERCROMBIE are sprawled across their chests. Typical, the same as the herd. Yet something changes now.

 The fourth years are in the lobby, chilled and relaxed. No worries other than a fake tan catastrophe that could occur the day before their Saturday nights out. Each one is different. Each one has a different hairsyle, some have make up, some dont. Girls dress in tracksuits and a sweatshirt, others dress in a playsuit and a smart blazer. The thing about fourth years is, that they put a pass on what they think of eachother. They accept one another. They’re happy and have no need to judge. This is a common trait amongst seniors, 5th and 6th years are all different. Of course, some tend to lean towards their friends and “on-trend” styles, but as I sit here, in the hub of laughter and gossip, every girl is different. One girl is draped head to toe in her best jewellery, clutching a Vogue magazine close to her chest. Another girl sits among a group of friends, heads huddled over a mobile phone as if they were discussing a top secret mission. As I take in this surrounding, it hits me, sure these non-uniform days are a bugger on a friday morning when your bed is trying to lure you back into its warm haven, but it defines where we stand amongst our peers. May that be to stand out, be accepted or be different.

 They say “You are what you wear”, and in many cases that’s true.  Clothes may be there to provide the modest neccessity, but it is also there for self expression. Ask any girl before she goes out to a party or a club, you’re guaranteed that she will say getting ready with her friends, was one of the highlights of the night (well that and getting a free drink from that nice guy at the bar). Its not just about throwing on a dress and running a brush through your hair, its the excitement of the transformation. It’s how the items that you wear, may you feel, give you confidence, make you feel like your on top. It’s overwhelming. This drug, this rush of something new. Fashion is a expression of the senses.

 Many say over-indulgence is bad for the soul. Patrick Kavanagh believed that it was his indulgence that cost him his greatest pleasure of the unknown. Yet, what would life be without a few indulgences, to a commit a few sins. Now don’t get me wrong, don’t take the knife and kill John at work, because he got a promotion, but if life was always Driving Ms. Daisy, then we’d never get to experience Fast and the Furious. Fashion may not be for everyone, but everyone has a role to play in it. We all have our tastes, our wants and desires. Fashion gives us that, it lets us paint a picture of ourselves, of how we want to portrayed to our audience.

 Coming back to my dreary school day, this expression is clearly shown by all 700 girls that attend my school. Not all of them may be interested in fashion, they may see it as pathetic or fickle or just insignificant. But I’m almost sure each one of us stood in front of our wardrobe, contemplating on which outfit would be best. No one wants to go through life unnoticed, no one wants to be invisable. Fashion is a symbol of expression, just as music or art is. It’s beautiful and creative, lets us experience fantastic dreams and ideas. Opens us up to new reveliations and years of history. It has been passed down through generation, an infactuation, that continues to live on forever through people of every age.

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